Monday, April 26, 2010

Two steps back...

The third and final T cell treatment was postponed on Friday due to my mom's failure to respond to her environment. Dana came in to see her that Wednesday and said she did not show any response or recognition and one pupil was larger than the other. An MRI was ordered and performed and a meeting with our family and each of my mom's doctors was scheduled for noon on Friday. We all gathered in the small family room of Rhoads 7 to discuss my mom's case. The other doctors on my mom's team stood against the walls while Dr Schuster pulled up a chair to join the circle formed by our family. We accepted him without question; this is the man who gave us the opportunity to fight when others thought it hopeless.

The MRI results show swelling in the area of the brain stem and this is most likely the cause of my mom's non-responsiveness. We took this information with a grain of salt, we had been warned that it was a possibility but had also been assured that it was easily controlled with steroids. The expression on Dr Schuster's face, however, did not sit quite as well as the mention of IRIS. He went on to explain to us that we cannot be sure if the inflammation is being caused by IRIS or by a worsening of the PML itself. My mom was given steroids that day and we would wait until Monday to see if she showed improvement that would lead her doctors to believe that she was suffering from IRIS and not a worsening of her disease. With tears in his eyes, Dr Schuster explained to us that if it was the disease my mom would be gone from us in the next few weeks.

My eyes searched the room until they met those of my sisters. It helped me push aside the horrible emptiness when I saw their eyes search for mine as well. I could see the pain and loss that we avoided talking about for these last few months. We all know where we stand with this illness and we always have, it is just difficult to hear it. And now, we wait and we wonder.

Will God really take our mom...

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